maggiemalfoy (maggiemalfoy) wrote in csp_support,

My head hurts...

 Hi. I googled CSP support groups and this is what came up. Thank God I have a livejournal account.
I skimmed through a few of the posts before I decided to share and I just want to say that I know I'm not as bad as some people on here, but I'm really starting to get worried- and I need somewhere to dump my thoughts. 

So, I just got done with a little masterpiece on my forehead. Right now it feels as if my head is swollen, and I can't really move my eyebrows. I don't know how long I was in front of the mirror. Its like, once I start- I just can't stop. I go into this trance, and all I'm focused on is getting whatever is in there to come out- even if theres nothing there. 
I stood there and just squeezed, and sqeezed. Then I got the tweezers and scraped and poked. And when I finally forced myself to stop, I put some toner on it- and then some toothpaste cause I couldn't bare to look at what I had done. 

I pick at my face, my nails, my toenails, my skin around my toenails, and my ingrown hairs on my legs. When I wear shorts in public, I actually pick my ingrown hairs out in the open. Say if I'm hanging out with a few friends and were watching tv or something- if theres enough light- my leg will be covered in multiple little welts in no time.

I do have anxiety, but I'm not so sure about depression. I get panic attacks- and when I pick my face like i just did, I realized it ususally happens during a stressful time. 

How do I stop?
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